Say No To Dowry

I heard this story from a colleague of mine:

A person in my office was arrested and imprisoned for harassing his fiancé and her family for dowry. He accepted Rs 1,500,000 as dowry, and on the eve of the wedding, after all the guests had come and the entire family was at the wedding venue, he demanded an additional Rs 500000, or no wedding. Soon, negotiations between the elders reached a stalemate with the bride’s family refusing this last minute demand, and the groom’s family adamant that no money meant: no wedding.

Then the bride did something that I as a woman thoroughly applaud, she called the cops and turned the groom and his family in. They are now cooling their heels in prison awaiting bail. But I am not absolving the girl and her family from blame. If anything, they should have called the cops when the original demand for Rs. 1,500,000 was made.

Why do women need to pay dowry to get married? What is the logic here? Dowry was initially introduced hundreds of years ago as a settlement between the bride and her family. Since she would be going to a new family, and would not have a claim on her parent’s property any more, parents settled a certain sum of money on the young bride. But now, there is no such problem! Girls have an equal share in the property that parents own; and in these days where each family has only one or two children, all the property goes to the kids anyway.

But forget the mercenary financial aspect of this discussion for a second. A marriage is a partnership between two individuals, and in India, a partnership between two families. The wedding is only the beginning. Why bring on a lifetime of resentment and unrest for a measly amount of money?

Since dowry deaths etc are not being reported in the papers these days, I thought that the problem had gone away. Not so, it seems. And it does not even seem to be isolated to families in remote villages or in uneducated families. This menace is in our families, in our colonies and among our friends. I am very angry at this because this shows the value of women in our society. Can it be that women have no intrinsic value, they are only valued as a potential mate based on the sum of money their parents are willing to settle on them? By giving and taking dowry, all we’re doing is devaluing our wives, sisters and daughters.

Please, stop this. If you know someone who is getting married, whether it is a boy or a girl, ask them to make it a dowry free wedding. The older generation may not get this, but as torch bearers for the future, it is our job to set right this wrong. It does not matter how big or small the amount is. Don’t wait for the harassment to begin, as in the case above.

Say No to Dowry the first time it is mentioned.

Thai Festival at Novotel; Hyderabad

As we entered the dining room of the Novotel Hotel in Hyderabad where the Thai festival was being held, we were greeted by a beautiful young girl in full Thai regalia, who gave out an exotic flower to each of us and led us to our tables. In the dining area, there was a Thai dancer, but I am not sure what art form she was performing. I had heard that Thai dances are generally dramas, that each dance tells a story. But the dancer in Novotel was swaying gracefully to the music being played (live) and looked wonderful, but I don’t think there was a story involved. It was nice to watch, though.

Nixing cocktails and mocktails in favour of going straight to the buffet, we went to take a look at the many dishes served. That’s when I got my first shock of the evening; there were Moong Dal Halwa and Rasmalai being served at the dessert section! There was a medley of exotic looking fruit, cheese, ice cream, éclairs etc, but none of them looked like Thai sweets! Where were the Khanom and the sweet coconut custard? I saw some look choob, but they looked singularly unappetizing. If I am talking about desserts first, it is because that is how the buffet was laid out, don’t ask me why.

As I moved towards the salad bar, the shock was intensified by the completely continental salad, consisting shredded carrots, capers, pickled cucumbers, rosemary potatoes etc. There was also a mushroom salad and a tofu salad, that just about gave the salad bar a Thai look, but conspicuous by their absence were Thai salads such as the Thai green papaya salad (my favourite), Pineapple salad, Shrimp Salad, Cucumber Salad, etc.

There were two soups being served – a Tom Yum vegetarian soup and some non-vegetarian soup, which unfortunately I did not pay attention to, since I am a vegetarian. Grateful for the Tom Yum soup, I ladled some into a bowl. Served with the soup was Italian bread (!) and papad (!!). The soup was liberally spiked with hot sauce and I was able to down only about 3-4 spoons and then I gave up.

Main course included decidedly non-Thai entrees such as curd rice (I kid you not), Dahi Vada, Dal and Vegetable Biryani. But they did make an allowance to the fact that it was a Thai festival by providing dishes like Thai Red and Green Curry (with chicken or vegetables), Chicken Satay, Thai fried rice, and some assorted vegetables in a tangy garlicky sauce. Along with the main course, there were some spring rolls. I don’t know why they were not with the appetizers.

Where were the dim sum, the pad thai, the pad king, pad kao, pad pak, etc???

For the princely sum of Rs 800 (+tax + tip) per person, we were royally cheated. This was definitely not a Thai festival; you can go to any Thai restaurant and get more range for a lot less. The bar was laid out wrong, there were only a few Thai dishes, and the dance did not seem genuine either. The serving staff was over-zealous; at some point they folded all our napkins while we were still in the middle of the meal!

Miss this one.